Life coach and friend Lisa Gates has a wonderful workshop for women called Craving Balance. In it, she shows us how to reorder our priorities – not carve out time for things we want to do, but how to shift our focus so what we want is front-and-center. Amen, sister. It was one of the most beneficial workshops I’ve ever taken.
Part of the workshop deals with saying no. I was way ahead of Lisa’s course on this one as I was inundated with time suckers not long ago. I learned to say no. I had to. After a few summers of fending off constant requests on my time, I knew if I didn’t say no to my family, my career would suffer. Just because I work from home does not mean I have time to take you to the mall, drop you at the train station, make an appointment with the plumber, make airline reservations, etc. I will do all those things for you – after hours and only if I don’t have my own life planned instead. My car doesn’t have a taxi meter (though I’m considering one for some “residual income”). I know some shorthand, but I’m not interested in learning how to schedule all your appointments.
A number of writers I know use virtual assistants to handle their business details. Has anyone used one to organize the family’s requests? I’d pay. I’d gladly hand over $40 an hour to free up my own billable hours instead of taking yet another break in my day to explain why I work – hard – even though I’m sitting here in shorts and a t-shirt.
What request is the toughest for you to turn down? Mine would be a request for a ride to the hospital, though I’d be tempted to call an ambulance and keep typing…. (just kidding).
My parents live about three hours away from me. They go to my aunt's quite a bit (about an hour from me). The hardest for me is when they call on Tuesday or Wednesday and say, "we're coming tomorrow. Do you want us to pick you up on the way?" Most times I can shuffle some things around and swing it, but not always. When I say no I feel like they think I just don't want to spend time with them, even though I know they wouldn't make those kinds of assumptions if I had an office job.
Lori, thank you for the praise! Time for a real life example:
You've got great boundaries. What I notice about how you work (at least for the work you've done for me) is that you schedule specific time to work on specific projects. You then tell clients when you're going to work on the project and when you expect it to be complete.
And then you kept your word. That's more than good. It's great, fantastic, amazing. Unusual.
I think this is a big reason why people are out of balance…they don't want to be held responsible for what they commit to, so they don't commit. This has a huge impact not only on our sense of wellbeing and completion, but on our wallets!
Ahh, the crazy double binds.
Excellent, beautiful work my friend!
I live in a six-unit condo, and it's common for neighbors to think I'll be here to meet contractors.
Sometimes I don't mind because I'm on the board and like to ask questions of contractors myself.
But it grinds me when one of my co-owners e-mails me and says, "X contractor is available Monday. Is there a time you can meet him?"
I often say no, that I'm crazy crunched with interviews and writing. And I don't feel a bit guilty about it!
Gabriella, you shouldn't feel guilty (neither should you, Krista). They're asking you to take time away from your job to be there for them. Would they do the same for you? Doubtful.
Krista, I suspect your parents know you can't drop it all and go play. It's okay to stop feeling guilty about that. 🙂
Lisa, thank you for the kind words, hon! Those boundaries were hard won, but I protect them fiercely. The priorities during my work day are set in stone – no outside, unrelated forces will interfere without a tussle. Like you said, I keep my word. I don't care if that means marital rifts or kids hassling me – I have deadlines and dang it, I meet them.