What’s on the iPod: Oxford Comma by Vampire Weekend
Friday the 13th — a superstitious day for a lot of people, and maybe a perfect time for another episode of This Job, Not That Job.
Today’s offering comes from Jenn Mattern, who, by the way, scours these job postings to bring you guys some of the more promising listings out there. Check out her All Indie Writers job board.
One that didn’t pass muster with Jenn (or with anyone who can read) is this posting:
Blog Article Writers / Part-Time PAID
I am in need of several blog article writers who can help me with my work load. They will be general seo articles that will range in topics from A to Z. I will need these articles on a regular basis and will need to have a very quick turn around time of 1-2 days at the most. The articles should be of good quality and I will check them, so they must pass copyscape. The word count will usually range from 400-500 words per article. Please have a paypal account for payment, the frequency of the payment will be determined, either weekly, twice a month or once monthly. The pay rate will start at $1.00 – $2.00 per article, but if all goes well this could increase, as this will be a long term employment opportunity. You will be notified of the pay rate for each article when you receive the assignments. Can make some nice extra cash in your spare time. Please include your resume in the body of the email. Also, please include writing samples or links to your writing samples. Please contact me if you have additional questions or concerns. Thank you.
And thank you for not using a single paragraph break, you putz.
So, beyond the obvious spelling errors (he wants you to pass “copyscape” yet won’t use Spell Check — go figure), there is so much wrong with this ad I don’t know where to start. The title — “part-time” suggests an employer/employee relationship. Clearly, this person isn’t running a company, or this mistake, hopefully, wouldn’t have been made.
Aside from the bold PAID notice, we see that this person needs “several blog article writers.” Red flag — that means someone is looking for keyword-stuffed nonsense that only barely resembles writing.
“who can help me with my work load.” Okay, Jenn pointed this out when she sent the posting over. This is a person who is referring to this “job” as a work load when it’s on his shoulders, yet becomes something one can do in one’s “spare time” when he’s ready to pay for it. But let’s read on, for it gets better (by that I mean worse).
They will be general seo articles that will range in topics from A to Z. I will need these articles on a regular basis and will need to have a very quick turn around time of 1-2 days at the most.
Of course they will. You want SEO content on demand and in short order. But wait — there’s more…
The articles should be of good quality and I will check them, so they must pass copyscape.
So let’s recap so far — SEO content, good quality, 1-2 day turnaround, and must not be stolen. So he’s not really talking to writers, right?
The pay rate will start at $1.00 – $2.00 per article,
Wait. Back. The. Truck. Up. Did he just say he wanted a good bit of commitment, original, non-stolen content filled with SEO keywords and delivered quickly, and he’s willing to pay up to $2? Per article? Now I know he’s not talking to professional writers. That’s just crazy talk right there.
but if all goes well this could increase, as this will be a long term employment opportunity.
Well, I’ll just bust my ass to make sure you pick me! Why, I could get the whole way up to five bucks a week! And to think I passed up that chance to work at McDonald’s….
You will be notified of the pay rate for each article when you receive the assignments.
Hold on. You mean I won’t know if it’s one or two bucks until you give me the assignment? Gee, that seems a bit weird. So if I’m really lucky, you’ll double my income? Sign me up!
Can make some nice extra cash in your spare time.
And here’s where I must insert a jolly f— off. First, no one on the planet has spare time. Extra cash? Nice? Dude, a Starbucks latte would cost me a week’s worth of article writing!
Please include your resume in the body of the email. Also, please include writing samples or links to your writing samples.
Yes sir, he wants a resume and writing samples. Why? Because he thinks for the exorbitant amount of money he’s laying out per article that his offer will attract serious professionals and have writers swarming to his in box.
Again, refer to my jolly f— off comment.
So, clearly this is a steaming wad of badness and time-wasting effort (not spare-time-employing work as the ad suggests). Let’s look at a better way to employ your spare time:
Freelance Writer / Blogger (Remote)
Scott’s Marketplace is looking for witty and entertaining freelance writers to contribute to our B2B blog, The DRIVE (blog.scottsmarketplace.com)
Writers with small business experienced preferred. You must be able to come up with fresh, relevant topics on a regular basis and write compelling, engaging content targeted toward our audience of small business owners in a conversational tone.
Current topics include: marketing, social media, finance, personal development, and more.
WordPress experience a plus as you will format each blog post, choose keywords, select images, and edit posts to ensure error-free content.
You will also be responsible for promoting each blog post on your personal Twitter/Google + account and through LinkedIn Publishing.
This would be ongoing work of up to 4 blog posts per month. Rate based on experience. Please send 2 relevant writing samples or a link to an online portfolio.
Compensation: $60-$150 per article
You already see an advantage to this job over that other, er, offer, don’t you? Why, even if you made just $60 per, it would take you months to make that much at that other gig. This poster is asking for a specific type of post (usually a good sign), limiting the amount of posts to something much more manageable, and giving a link so that you can check out the company before you apply. While it may not pay what many writers would normally charge, it’s a much better way to spend your spare time, don’t you think?
Writers, what steaming piles of fun have you come across lately?
What’s the worst you’ve seen?
Have you ever written to one of these posters in an attempt to enlighten them?
Related
Of all the garbage in this posting, what really stood out to me was the way the poster considered this a part of their "work" load, yet something to be done in someone else's spare time. So it's too much of a burden for them to do it themselves anymore, but so unimportant that it's a spare time activity for anyone else, worth no more than a buck or two? Please.
Ooh, and don't forget that this guy doesn't even know how often he'll pay you. You could be expected to do a month's worth of work before you see a cent!
This is the kind of ad I almost want to respond to just to tell him where he can stick it.
Jenn, thanks again for sending this one over. It really is a good example of an awful deal.
Don't you love the "I can't do it, but it's not really worth all that much for you to do it for me" reason? It makes no sense.
That's sort of the converse of when someone goes on and on about how quick and easy something they want you to do is, and you want to say, "If it's so simple, why not do it yourself?" And they could have in the time it took them to tell you how simple it is!