What I’m listening to: Home by Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
There’s something about the waning days of summer — the school buses come back, clients ramp up stalled projects….and cheapskates come out of the woodwork to prey on desperate writers.
Thanks to Jenn Mattern for sending over this week’s nominee for sh*ttiest job you could possibly have.
Looking for SERIOUS short article writers! Start Immediately!
My company is looking for short article writers, 400-1100 word articles covering various topics from law, to make up, to video games, to clothing, etc etc. You will need to have a passion for writing, and take this job seriously so you must have plenty of time to sit down and study about your topic, and then write a detailed article on the topic you have studied. Each article you write and that gets accepted pays anywhere from $2.25 to $5.50 PER article , so how much you make is SOLELY dependent on how much you work/write.
If you are looking for a wonderful writing job, where you can have the freedom of working at home PLUS opportunities to become a FULL time writer with certain companies and websites. If you write an article for a client and they like your work, they will request you to write for them EVERY article!! Also, once you have been a writer for some time, you will then receive a writing coach! Room for advancement!
**********TO APPLY*************
Please apply now as spots might be limited.. go to XXXXX.com and when asked for the invitation code type in YYYY to get an IMMEDIATE spot. Once you have applied and received your confirmation email you are ready to start writing!
Can I just throw up right now? It would be easier than deciphering just how lousy this job is. Alas, we learn nothing from the visceral reaction, so let’s dig a bit into the dung heap that is this offer:
Looking for SERIOUS short article writers! Normally, this wouldn’t stand out, but there are two things wrong with this six-word sentence. First, SERIOUS –seriously? Sounds like someone may have had a fair amount of hate mail the last time this was posted. Or am I just hopeful? Second, exclamation points. I have a particular rule of thumb that’s proven useful — the more exclamation points (especially coupled with all caps), the worse the offer is. In the headline alone we’re looking at caps and exclamations.
You will need to have a passion for writing, and take this job seriously so you must have plenty of time to sit down and study about your topic, and then write a detailed article on the topic you have studied. Yes, because for $2.25 an article, you’re taking your writers seriously. Not only do you have to have a passion for writing (aren’t we tired of that phrase yet?), but also you have to “sit down” — stay. Don’t you feel better having been taught to sit? Never mind the fact that they’ve used too much description — they’ve just talked to you like you’re in kindergarten, or worse, obedience school.
If you are looking for a wonderful writing job, where you can have the freedom of working at home PLUS opportunities to become a FULL time writer with certain companies and websites. So, so much wrong with this sentence, beginning with the fact that it’s not even a complete sentence. Wonderful? Job? Are you kidding me? And PLUS…FULL? What’s with the caps? Dangling the carrot with “certain companies and websites” meaning their website, which we already know pays crap.
If you write an article for a client and they like your work, they will request you to write for them EVERY article!! Also, once you have been a writer for some time, you will then receive a writing coach! Room for advancement! Wow! Could we be that lucky to have someone wanting us to write our asses off for $2.25 an article?? Woo! Sign me up! And a writing coach after I’ve been writing for some time — you know, exactly when you probably don’t need it. Yippee! Lucky day! Room for advancement — I would take that to mean you might actually get bumped up to head stooge, earning a whopping $5.50 per article. Be still my heart — wait. Let’s say it in this person’s vernacular — Be STILL my HEART!!!
See? Wasn’t it easier to simply throw up?
Via Jenn Mattern’s Freelance Writing Jobs page, here’s a better way to spend your talent:
Ghostwriter / Ghostblogger Needed
Date Added: 08/12/2014
Job Category: Ghostwriting
Hiring Company: Unknown
Location: San Diego
Local candidates only? No
Budget (per post / page / document): $50 – 100 (SEMI-PRO)
Description
An individual is looking for a ghostwriter to help them get their name out there on the Web through blogging, guest posting, and other types of ghostwritten articles to be published under the client’s name. Pay is $20-100 per post depending on where you can have them published (including blogs you own).
Note: These posts are not meant to be directly promotional in nature, will not serve as endorsements, and will done be done for backlink building / SEO (no links are required in any of the articles).
I wouldn’t do the gig for $20, but I would consider it for $100. The point is to look more deeply into the offer in front of you. Apply the BS Litmus Test, and trust your gut a little.
Writers, what lousy offers have you seen? What’s the worst you’ve ever been offered?
Sent you another doozy this morning (though admittedly not as bad as this one — how could it be?). Crappy gigs are certainly in heavy supply over at CL these days.
'Tis the season. Kids are back in school and scammers are out in force trying to lure in struggling writers.
Here's my favorite line: "Each article you write and that gets accepted pays anywhere from $2.25 to $5.50 PER article , so how much you make is SOLELY dependent on how much you work/write."
SOLELY dependent on how much you work/write. So I could write something as bad as, or worse than, their ad and still be paid?
Oh, wait. They said, "…and that gets accepted" (elegant wording, huh?), so they expect people to work on spec, too.
As much as I hate puking, it would be better than working for those bozos. (No offense to any clowns out there.)
And it would cost less to hurl, Paula. 🙂
These things make me mad because some idiot responds to them–or these people wouldn't advertise, right?
I'm so over the misunderstanding of writers' worth. I'm working with a client team right now where one guy on the team–a young marketing guy, not a writer–is telling me my phrase placement is wrong.
Dude, it's grammatically correct. If you don't like it, I get it. But don't tell me it's wrong.
OY!!!!!!!!!!!
Gabriella, welcome to my head. 🙂 I started this blog because I found myself right where you are — over it.
I've worked with those types, too. I remember one client screeching at me because I started my sentence with a preposition. That's been acceptable for how many decades now? It's when they pull out the high-school English rules and use them as hammers that makes me scream. Either trust me to get it right or ask cordially why I wrote something the way I did.
"Room for advancement!"
"Boy howdy! Sounds great! This is my BIG BREAK! Where do I sign?!"
As a followup on Jenn's comment…I'm thinking we could compile a March Madness-style bracket to determine the WORST FREELANCE JOB PITCH EVER. This one is definitely Final Four material.
Have a great weekend, y'all.