What a weekend. There’s no way I could feel idle with all I managed, but somehow I had time to act like a slug. I read quite a bit, slept a little later, watched my guilty pleasures on Saturday morning (I’m an HGTV junkie), and enjoyed every minute. But I managed to vacuum, dust, clean up stacks of paper in the kitchen, totally clean and organize the space around my desk, weed the front walk area, and hang curtains. Yesterday was meditation in New Jersey, which was fruitful, then home to a football game.
We had time too to head to town for errands. We were walking into a local cafe and I overheard this: “I aspire to write.”
I fought back my knee-jerk reaction, which was to scoff and only because the guy was in a cafe acting out the stereotypical scene I hate most – people sitting in cafes discussing wanting to write instead of actually doing it. Two tables away, a young man I’ve seen around town was oblivious to the conversation. He was busy writing. Amen to that.
It was in that sentence: “I aspire to write.” What’s wrong with it? I know why I first reacted, but as I thought about it that day and the next, I think I’ve landed on why it’s the wrong sentence for that, or any, setting.
It’s dreamlike. He’s not saying he’s moving toward it. He’s saying “I dream about writing.” Fact is I dream about being on New York Times’ best seller list. It’s just daydreaming.
It’s passive. Stating it all day doesn’t bring you any closer to your goal. Unless I stop talking and start writing, it’s not happening. It requires no action to own the feeling.
It’s self-defeating. If he’d added “I’m starting a book” or “I’ve jotted down some character sketches” to his statement, he’d have set himself up to continue, for now he’s taken that step toward owning his dream. By just saying it, he’s trying to own what he’s not put any effort into.
It’s echoing fear. I heard someone on the verge of professing his writing abilities, but really saying “I’m afraid to start, so I’ll stay here where it’s safe.” No you don’t – own it. Own your path and it will become your path, I say. If he had said, “I’m writing now” he’d have taken a much bigger step and acknowledged to himself and others that he’s jumping off that cliff.
I sympathize with this guy. I was in that same place about 20 years ago. I wouldn’t even say out loud that I was a writer even when I was. I didn’t own my path, nor did I set my foot on it with enough force to declare it to others. I would say things like “I want to write” instead of writing. It took a lot of cat-and-mouse with my own fears and feelings to get me to that point of detachment; writing is just one definition for who I am, and that rejection that will come isn’t a personal rejection. Once I was able to detach from the emotions of wanting something so badly, I was able to call myself a writer.
What does a statement like “I aspire to write” mean to you? Have you uttered something like that in the past?
It means you don't have the balls to sit down and do it.
The choices are clear: Write. Don't write.
Not a lot of wiggle room there.
I understand the first step of a new goal is the visualization, but "aspiring" means you're not DOING. If you're serious about wanting to write, and still need to visualize the first step, it's of you at your desk, pen on paper or fingers on keyboard. Putting down words.
The first step is always the hardest. I also believe it has a lot to do with people's perceptions. When I told people I'm a professional golfer they would always raise their eyebrows. It was like, okay, but what do you really do? I believe the same is true for writers. Many people believe it is a hobby, not a profession. However, I do agree with Devon. Quit making excuses and get out of your own way. If you want to do something then do it! Ignore naysayers and come up with a plan on how to get the job done. Right now when someone asks what I do I say teacher and writer. Soon I will just say writer.
There's probably two ways to look at this. The first is like Devon puts it – you either write or you don't.
The second is like me saying I aspire to be a great singer. Ain't gonna happen. 🙂
I'm not going to even attempt to top Devon. Priceless.
My cold, cruel, pitiless, Darwinian side reads a statement like that to mean: "I'm waiting to be discovered, and in the meantime, I'm not going to be your competition."
Wade, were you on tour, or a club pro? Either way, I don't think your average person has any concept of the work that goes into a successful career. Hmmm…sort of like…freelancing!
Lori, you've reminded me of the time a new neighbor stopped over to introduce herself. I guess the former owners or another neighbor had told her I was a writer, since her first sentence after introducing herself was, "I hear you're an aspiring writer." I replied, "I'm not aspiring. I am a writer."
This blog post is an interesting take on something I heard on the radio this morning. The host and his guest were discussing how so many people today are waiting for the economy to turn around, waiting for a great job offer, or waiting to win the lottery. Sure, they might be sending out resume and buying lottery tickets, but they're still being passive. The guest boiled it down to fear. People today let their fears control their actions and refuse to take the ricks necessary to succeed. The host, who was quoted in one of the guest's earlier books, had a memorable quote: We need to replace our wishbones with backbones.
Oops. Of course I meant "risks," not "ricks."
(I'll blame it on my cold. It's hard to type when I have to cough, sneeze, or blow my nose five times per sentence.)
Great article! I've put another few hundred words into my project today. Not a great amount, but it's something. I'm doing my best not to aspire, but to DO!
Jake, mini-tours, pro-ams etc. Never made it to the show. Lots of time driving from one town to the other. It is never as glamourous as it is made out to be.
EXACTLY, Devon. Do or don't do. To quote Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."
You're a pro golfer, Wade? Very cool!
Cathy, I aspire to be a size 2. LOL
Jake, I like your Darwinian side. It's exactly what I thought when I heard him. I stopped steaming and thought "He'll never be competition until he lifts a finger toward the keyboard and not toward that coffee mug."
Paula, I've had people say "How cute" in that oh-so-snide way. I simply reply "Yes, my specialty is insurance and risk management and let me tell you about workers compensation…" Don't insult me or you'll be stuck listening to how to reduce claims costs. LOL
Dana! Great seeing you here! You're right – you're DOING. That's much better than aspiring, isn't it? 🙂
It's funny, once I bit the bullet and defined myself as a writer (not an aspiring writer, not a part-time writer, not a writer 'on the side'), my freelance writing business started to transform. Making it my single professional focus, and acknowledging that reality out loud and publicly, was a huge step – emotionally and practically.
Isn't that eye-opening, Ruth? Funny how we spend so much time dancing around it, but it isn't until we dig in that we own our realities. 🙂
I think it means you're not really committed to earning a living as a writer – the person is not willing to put in the work. Fear is a given, but if you're "going" to be a writer, you just have to push past it at some point and do it.
Right you are, Kim!
Wade, glad to know you were/are a pro golfer as well as a freelance writer.
Ruth I had the same experience as you did.
Lori, folks who 'aspire,' or otherwise talk instead of writing make me very tired.
I felt the same way when I first started writing for pay. It took me a long time to own that I really am a "writer". Even though I am in the action stage, this article strikes a cord in me. There are many jumping off places in our career. Right now I am deciding whether or not I want to branch out into new areas of writing… but I have to stop dreaming and just act before anything will happen. Thanks for in-spiring me to do more than just a-spire.
Anne, I hear you. 🙂
Michelle, I agree. We've probably all struggled at some point with the insecurity, the fear, or the inertia.
As for your branching out, go for it. If it doesn't work (and it will work), you can always scale back. 🙂