My girlfriend and I were sharing war stories over tea yesterday morning at the local Starbucks. She said she’d never had an instance where a client didn’t pay her. It would’ve bothered me more, but she’s a part-time freelancer and she works with a lot of local publications and clients – she has face time with them. For that reason, I suspect, she’s been quite fortunate.
Something else she’s been able to avoid – weirdness. Mind you, we all have our crazy days or clients who make us scratch our heads, but I think freelancers are prone to meeting some of the more, well, unique people on the planet. Here are a few I’ve met:
The man who corrected me on how to pronounce my own name. How do you convince someone who’s mispronouncing your last name that he’s wrong when he’s entirely convinced you are? Answer – you don’t. You move on to someone who doesn’t need to be right about everything. This guy argued – twice – that I didn’t know what my own last name was and that he knew because he had it written and sitting in front of him. It’s when I knew I was wasting time and air on someone I didn’t want to know.
The man who was once a woman. Look, I don’t care if you spent ten years wearing heels and a dress while sporting male anatomy. I live for a to-die-for pair of shoes and killer frock myself. But this chap, who was three minutes into our phone conversation, shared entirely too much personal information entirely too quickly. The conversation about his past life was about a three-conversations-later one to have and only if it was relevant to his project, which it was not. Not the way to introduce yourself and convince me that you know and respect boundaries, especially your own. To me, that was the larger issue, and one I couldn’t get around.
The liar who may have committed a few felonies. It raised the question about just how much of a background check is enough. My gut said something was amiss, but the paperwork and a cursory Internet search turned up nothing on this client, who was allegedly running a phony charity. He was arrested nearly a year ago, posted bail last month only to be met at the prison door by the feds. Back in he went on charges of impersonating a Secret Service agent. Yes folks – these are the people I attract. Scary, isn’t it?
The man who couldn’t help but ‘educate’ me for my own good. LOVED this one because I couldn’t stop laughing. I’d submitted a bid in response to his company’s ad asking for articles on very specific topics. His subsequent note made it clear that his was a “showcase” website and I could expect the sum total of zero as payment. When I refused, he actually wrote back and gave me a ‘primer’ on how PR works and what his site could do for me. His “repository” site of talent would help clients find me. I couldn’t help it – I had to tell him that he’d found me, so what was the problem exactly?
The man who wanted me to trust him. Implicitly. Without a contract. You never realize the true value of a contract until you’re faced with a client who refuses one and who insists – strongly – that he’s always worked on the honor system. This guy was particularly odd because as we “negotiated” in email, the terms became looser by the minute. The pay went from a per-word rate for XXXX words to a per-word rate “rounded down” from the nearest ten and based on the total amount of words he published, not the total amount I wrote. His mortification when I thanked him and expressed that I don’t work without a signed contract convinced me I’d just avoided a major shafting.
The man who wanted to put me on retainer – as soon as I sent him my bank account information. No he didn’t? Yes, he did. No, he didn’t get it. I know a phony carrot dangling when I see one. I dangled my own – just send it through PayPal, I insisted. No, he said. They won’t handle such large sums. Then a check, I said. He never wrote back. Gosh darn – look at all that money I’ve turned away. Not.
Surely I’m not the only one who’s ever had a weird client. If you can do so without revealing too much, what are some of the stranger situations you’ve found yourself facing?
I had a client who only wanted to for pay for words that had at least three letters. No, MS Word does not have a way to count that, so I’d have to do it manually. What a waste of time!
LOL, characters for a juicy novel.
I love it and can SO relate. 🙂
Oh Susan, I remember that one!
Like your friend, I’ve been pretty lucky. My worst encounter has been with a client who had very different political views than I, and went on about them for far too long before I spoke up and said I didn’t mix business with politics.
Thanks for following my blog, Lori! I found yours on Angie’s website, and I’m so glad I did. I’ve learned a great deal from you already.
Wow. I’m continuously amazed by the strange scams I hear about in the freelance world. I’m fortunate enough not to have encountered anything fishy myself, but that’s because I’ve done all of my work at the local level so far.
I’m trying to expand my client base online now, so I’m happy to be reminded that I need to exercise caution. Thanks for the insight!
I’m still chuckling at the person who was convinced that you were pronouncing your own name wrong … you know, you probably don’t spell it right, either.
And Susan’s comment is pretty hilarious, too. I wonder if I could go into a restaurant and order a steak, but not pay for the fatty parts?